Intellectual Manhood by Timothy J. Williams

Author:Timothy J. Williams [Williams, Timothy J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Gender Studies, Education, History, United States, State & Local, South (AL; AR; FL; GA; KY; LA; MS; NC; SC; TN; VA; WV)
ISBN: 9781469618401
Google: u-C3BgAAQBAJ
Publisher: UNC Press Books
Published: 2015-03-09T05:44:23+00:00

Meeting and Courting Women in College Life

In the antebellum period, young men believed that marriage was preferable to bachelorhood, but they were in no hurry to begin a serious courtship while in college.8 They wished first to finish college, secure independence in a profession, and then marry. “I have quit thinking about the girls. I have other fish to fry,” wrote one student to his sister. “It is a waste of time for me to think on such subjects. . . . After I graduate, get my profession, and make something to live on, then perhaps I will strike out.”9 Young women preferred it this way as well. According to Anya Jabour, “Although the ostensible goal of entering society was to make a good match, many young women made their debut with a firm resolve to avoid entanglements.”10 So generally young males and females enjoyed courting but put off courtship. When young southerners did pursue courtship, however, they did not do so lightly. Much of this had to do with the public nature of courtship: despite a young couple’s desire for privacy and autonomy, family and friends were often involved in affairs of the heart, and young men approached any admission of love cautiously.11 Young women also required male suitors to pass rigorous tests of fidelity during early stages of flirtation and courtship.12

Students often began relationships with young women during vacations. It was not uncommon for sisters and female cousins to introduce young men to their friends. Students attended social engagements within these networks frequently, in fact. Authors writing for the North Carolina University Magazine, for instance, poked fun at young men who spent their entire vacations “luxuriating in the so ‘soft light’ of their lady-loves’ eyes,” rather than writing essays for publication.13 When vacations ended, young men would correspond with the young women they had met at home and occasionally return to college with intense feelings for them.

The case of George Thompson, a student from Leasburg, North Carolina, is instructive. In early January 1851, as his cold and snowy winter vacation came to an end, Thompson took an interest in Susan Lindsay, a young woman whom Thompson and his friends admired “for her intelligence & beauty.” He visited her frequently and developed feelings for her. “It appears as if I am better satisfied if I am near Miss Sue L.,” he wrote in his diary. “I fear I am permitting her person to get a too great a stronghold on my affections[.] I must either find out that she thinks something of me, and let my affections increase, or if not, I must strive to put down the feelings which arise in my heart—for ‘Tis the worst of pain / To love and not be loved again.’” Still, he had begun to fall in love with her and told his mother that he might consider courting her.14 On the day before he departed Leasburg for Chapel Hill, George spent nearly four hours alone with Sue, hoping to ascertain her feelings and express his own.

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